Cablog

My happy new year

Just woken up late at 1pm, in order to set myself up for 16 hour shift tonite. I intend commencing at 5pm and driving 5 hours - break 1 hour - 5 more hours - break 1 hour - 4 more hours to finish around 9am.

The City is expecting a million people. If I can keep away from the joint I should be fine. Last year I stuck to the lower North Shore for NYE and will do so again this year. I find there's a better class of drunken idiot over there.

Must remember to clear out all promotional flyers for clubbers dumped on the back floor of the cab. Last year at 8am I had a man taking his daughter to Church hand over flyers advertising flesh and bondage parties. My girlfriend called to remind me to wear a clean shirt tonite. This always generates more tips.

This blogsite is under a 30 day trial which is ready to expire. It's been a real blast for me and I have every intention of continuing, albeit with a funkier site. On my wishlist for improved blogging :

-- broadband
-- new page design and layout
-- a digital camera
-- music downloads
-- syndication, linking and pinging with other compatible sites
-- search engine registrations
-- an easy address
-- 100,000 hits per day
-- being swallowed by a Murdoch buyout !!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL

Light shows, ragers and journos

Does Sydney get any better than this. A city asleep on a quiet summers evening.....

One can easily be seduced by the magic moments of this wonderful town, until crossing paths with a roid-driven road rager.....

Or one can just as easily run afoul of our ubiquitous journos....

Ho bloody ho

Tonight I'm lazy as a result of endless Christmas shifts. Ho bloody ho is a jaded cabbies greeting at this late stage of the Christmas rush. Saw a succinct letter in yesterdays Aussie which is worth noting :

Hussein gave war a chance and lost. Gaddafi is giving peace a chance and will win. The Left wanted to appease evil and lost. The Right wanted to confront it and won. Happy Christmas to lovers of freedom and liberty.

Brian Handley
Moe, Victoria

Celebrity passenger

Why do people try 'n pressure cabbies. Don't they know who we are ? We may well be the most jaded, cynical, hard-bitten coves in town. We've seen it all and heard it all before.

A bloke jumps in yesterday afternoon and says, 'Mate I've got to get home to change, then get to Bondi. I'm late!' Usually, before taking off I'll pause and respond, ' Ya want me to drive really fast !?' with a crazy/excited grin. Or, I can say to a time-challenged passenger, 'Why are you late ?' 'Um....the eggs wouldn't boil ', or something just as lame, to which I reply, 'So, because your eggs wouldn't boil you now want me to break the law, jeopardise my license and livelihood in order to make up for your problem ? Are you going to tip me heavily for risking all to do you this favour? No.........then you might be more comfortable in another cab 'cause mate, I can't help you'. Invariably the response is a resigned, ' Okay, just drive normal ', as they consider the possibility they've just jagged a 'live one'. And yes, while I sound like a smartarse, cabbies have to be in order to negate unfair pressure. We got enough as it is. Therefore, I'm just transfering the pressure back on to the party who owns it.

Anyway, this bloke jumps in and proceeds to work the phone. Another thing, why do people get in the front seat of cabs and commence to conduct their personal business via phone, forcing me to kill the radio. Or, just plain lob in the front seat and refuse to hold a conversation. Especially women !? I challenge these sheilas with, ' Didn't your mother warn you to never ride upfront in taxis ?'

So the bloke finishes his calls and decides he wants to listen to my weekly comedy program, the Couldabeenchampions on the ABC - cabbies will listen to anything. He recognises the program, announces he's in radio himself and tries real hard to pinpoint what it is about this successful 4 man comedy team who have been around for 20 years(?). I use words like 'ironic', 'satire', 'wry', 'soft pedantry' etc. in an attempt to explain my liking of the program. I patiently explain a format that was perfected by other comedy teams such as the Goons, Monty Python, Roy and HG, etc. But he's not convinced, finally admitting that with all due respect to my ABC listening, he finds the program 'totally twee'. I tell him that 'twee' is a great word and right on the money. 'Besides', I add, 'you don't have to apologise to me over the ABC - as far as I'm concerned they're a bunch of .....'

Silence. I then ask him what station he is with. It's the ABC JJJ Youth Network - this bloke is pushing 40, right - on the morning program. Aw yeah, I now know who he is. This is the fella who, in a pathetic bid to appear funny, rebellious and relevant, made a total goose of himself at the ARIAs with a gringing reference to the late Slim Dusty. Still, I love him, he tipped me - from his fabulous tax-payer funded salary of course.

Just goes to show that those pesky ABC types could be anywhere......

Celebrity guest

I've just picked up yesterdays paper and well, well, well....

who have we got here ? A celebrity guest, no less. (Hi mate - busted!)
The paper had Nic wearing green and gold. I'd call it green and flesh.

JUST FOR FUN : Click on the photo and see if you can identify what the glob of gunk is on her hairline. Maybe Nic needs a new hair and makeup artist.

UPDATE : Tonight (Sat.), I picked up someone connected with the gig. In keeping with the theme of the movie Cold Mountain, it was planned to have not only white carpet but snow machines, which were positioned on the building tops along the mall. Apparently at the last minute, when our Nic heard of this , the full-on snow storm was canned due to a hair and makeup issue. What a star. You go girl ! Hey Nic, if you need transport while you're in town, give me a call. I'll even let ya ride up front.

Ya wanna go where ?

Just finished an eleven hour shift in the hack. Sydney was jumpin' tonite, what with Xmas functions, Joe Witnesses and the Robbie Williams concert. Apparently he said at a press conference that he was after a bride with big breasts...I've never seen so many beautiful women on a balmy summers evening showing so much breast. Shameless really.

Otherwise , I had one 'out the window' job and one relationship breakup. Just another night for a Sydney cabbie....

Classy Sydney

Well it's back to work tomorrow night, pushing a cab around Sydney. Being Saturday it's the messiest night of the week for me. Starting late I'll head straight to the racetrack to work the last of the classy swill back up to Paddington where they carry on till they're absolutely legless. Later, much later they'll wonder why I drive past with my light off and the doors locked.

man of lettuce ?

I have been asked to explain my chosen title, 'man of lettuce'. This moniker was conferred upon me last summer by a dear mate, recently departed. It came about when I began writing Letters to the Editor, which more often than not got published. My paper of choice is Sydneys Daily Telegraph, mainly because of it's commonsense agenda - so get over it, at least I'm honest about it !

It all came about when I purchased a funky PC 12 months ago. Have you ever sat down to read the paper when something catches your eye, leading to the exclamation, 'that's bullshit !'. Now, every time I read the news and take issue with something I jump on the PC, punch out a hundred words or so and hit SEND. Hey presto ! Generally it's a response to current affairs which the editor seems to like. Whatever...

Check out todays published effort concerning one of my favourite girls (out of interest I've highlighted the Editors deletions).

Welcome all

Welcome to my blog. Finally I have a forum to air my (small ‘f’) fascist rants. If you are moved to Comment feel free - whole debates can open up as a result. This interactive ability of blogs marks them as a real alternative to mainstream media and is what has attracted me to this exciting new medium. If a mug like me can self-publish, anyone can. To that end I highly recommend the TYPEPAD platform I operate on. Believe me, it's idiot proof ! Well, almost......

My name is Adrian. I was going to give out my full regime but then I thought bugger it. No one believes that stuff anyway plus I find About Me pages mildly nauseating. Briefly though, I'm a 49yo Sydney born resident. Where once I was a draftsman, survey technican, landscaper and groundsman, these days a dodgy back has me driving taxis by night and reading and writing by day. On those nights I do work, I intend to post from my collection of Sydney cab stories to keep up the daily posts.

Now I’ve got the distraction of self outta the way let’s get onto some real issues. Maybe you’ll believe this.......

A Yobbo Prime Minister ?

I am genuinely excited by the elevation of Mark Latham. For the first time in years we have in Australia a real alternative to consider which can only be a good thing for the country. This promotion at a young age, whilst obviously premature, will be the catalyst for major movement in the political landscape.

The government has heavily promoted the looming generational issues facing the country. Now Labor will insist, 'no worries, we've got the man of the future ideally placed to tackle such issues'. In turn, the Howard led government will increasingly be put in the shade by an invigorated Labor under Latham. That is, until they themselves deal with their own generational change, in the name of relevance.

And you can forget Costello. In the eyes of the voter, Crean had the sneer and Costello has the smirk. Both conditions create a fatal perception of superciliousness. The Coalition will ignore this liability to their peril. Bring on the mad monk I say. Latham and Abbot as respective leaders - now that's when I envisage a golden age of Aussie politics. Smart, committed men of the future scrapping over the claim to fame of consolidating paradise.

I see Lathams immediate challenge being one of survival, as much from the government as from the ALP machine. In the interim, yes, he will have to sleep with the devil (he'd be wise not to inhale !) That's the nature of realpolitic which he seems to understand. He must now be the energizer and face of Labor party structural changes in order to generate appeal again. The electorate not only understands this but will be supportive in the hope he can purge those elements who have acted as a handbrake to change.

It is my hope that Labor gets a further trouncing at the next poll. This will allow Latham to grow into the job and mature as a person whilst at the same time arming him with a chainsaw to chop out any lingering dead wood hindering Labors future.

Finally, I don't think instances of youthful impudence, bad language or drunken disputes with cabbies are an issue anymore in the scheme of things. The voters know how fast a pollie changes when the holy grail is at stake. I predict that women will absolutely love Latham and all that his presentable wife and young family from the 'burbs represent. He might not be a metrosexuals metrosexual but he is certain to become a mans man in the eyes of many. To ensure this female support, more stories regarding his bitter ex-wife should be trotted out !

Otherwise, if he can survive the anti-Latham media blitz about to be unleashed from both left and right (which a cynical public will ignore) then he will not only win power but become, I feel, one of the great Prime Ministers.