CALL SECURITY !!

The Australian Labor Party annual Conference is in town. CALL SECURITY !!

Must remember to brush-up on my localities, and most direct routes. Don't want to inflame any party hacks, with a late-night, circuitous tour of the aspirational Sydney environs. Predicted routes are :

-- Convention Centre to Chew 'n Spew, Chinatown.
-- Chinatown to Kings Cross watering holes
-- Late nite watering holes to Surrey Hills brothels
-- Surrey Hills brothels to anywhere

Also, a note to myself - be on the lookout for :

-- any male wearing a Che beret
-- any male wearing a Mao skull cap
-- any male wearing a Pommy miners cap
-- any big boofy blokes in advanced stages of pregnancy
-- any male wearing a purple shirt, or any hint of male-feminist garb, like a trilby
-- any shemale comrade who jumps in the front, plonks her arm out the window and barks, 'Marrickville mate !' Do not use the familiar, 'no worries, pet !'
-- any high ranking Federal MP living in south-west Sydney, who refuses to nominate prefered route, insisting, 'The quickest way, mate !' Drive to nearest police station.

The National ALP Conference also presents the opportunity to conduct a CABPOLL. Off the top of my head, surveys could include :

-- when will the ALP produce a policy which is costed - 2004? 2005? 2006?
-- describe the last 7 years in a word - senbloodysational - ageing - nightmare ?
-- history will show John Howard as Australias greatest ever Prime Minister. Agree or disagree ?

I'm open to any suggestions from readers, for an appropiate CABPOLL survey topic.......

Here's my take on Lathams' cabbie bashing. It would not have happened to me. Why ? As a skippy, I would have been afforded the natural respect one grants a fellow practitioner of the Aussie lingo,

' Don't talk to me like that, ya taxpayer bludgin' prick. We're off to Bankstown coppers, to sort this right out. Besides, I've hit the ALARM button and this cab is now streaming live images and audio! So settle down, dickwit !'

The poor bashed cabbie - whatever happened to him - obviously wasn't aware of the machinations of an ALP scam. Therefore, he wasn't to know that Latham needed to go the long way home, via the freeway - Latham wasn't paying ! Most passengers bitch and scream if we don't take 'the most direct route', as stipulated in regulations.

Latham however, according to my information, was tired and emotional. Having a free cab fare paid by the office, he saw the ride home as an opportunity to grab some overdue 'shut-eye'. One can only achieve this on a smooth, uninterrupted freeway journey. Rather than jerking through 400 sets of suburban traffic lights, on the most direct route. Simple.

Betcha he never gets in a cab now, without telling the driver the route he wants. Simple. Simple as A-L-P.