On Dying

For the dying, death is a very personal thing. How one dies and in whose company, are important considerations for aspirants looking for an ideal exit. I used to think how awful it would be to die alone. These days though, I’m not so sure it’s such a bad way to go. Indeed, at the moment of death, going out alone may be the only way to go.

How many times have you heard of someone on their death bed, hanging on for the return of a loved one. Only to then slip away whilst everyone is outside, having a short break from their bedside vigil. It’s as if the dying crave that little bit of personal space, in order to take the final jump. For want of a better term.

There are also plenty of instances of a grieving connection telling the dying, ‘It’s alright to go now’. Which indicates to me the dying have more control over their departure than we imagine...

I got to thinking of this after picking up a fella this morning on Victoria Road. He was in his thirties and drunkenly wandering towards the City at 2 am, looking for an all night pub. ‘You not working today ?’ I asked him. ‘Nah, me Pop died last night’, he replied, ‘and I’m on the piss’.

I’m sorry to hear that mate’, I told him, ‘how old was he’. ‘Eighty four', he said, ‘and you know what - I saw him three weeks ago and he told me when he goes he wants me to have a big drink’. ‘Aw, good on him’, I said. ‘Yeah’, he said, ‘he had the choice of either having an operation or attending a big family reunion'. 

My passenger was a country boy who had come to the City for work. Due to this he wasn’t around when his father died. ‘So he chose the family reunion as a chance to say goodbye to everyone’, he continued, ‘rather than the operation which just would have made him suffer more. I'm so glad he did'.

I told him my own father had died a couple of years ago, whilst I had been away in the country. He had taken a fall at home and was in a coma with massive brain haemorrhaging. At the time I was some 700 kilometres away and tossed up whether to rush back to Sydney in order to join the family. They assured me he was in good hands and not to drive through the night.

Next morning around 7 am I was awoken by a strange occurrence. Something I now call a spirit, brushed me in my sleep. A sensation of gentle breath rustled through my dreaming, stirring me to consciousness. Startling yet not disturbing. I lay awake for a few minutes and considered whether Dad had just checked in, on his way out. I was the only family member missing from the bedside vigil.

Arising, I stepped outside to be informed by my host, ‘Your sister just called - your Dad has passed away’. I was to learn later my sister had laid her head upon the pillow next to Dads, telling him, ‘It’s okay Dad...we'll look after Mum'. With that he left them, said goodbye to me and the rest is history.

I’ve heard of other variations on this theme, when a departing loved one makes a final visit to absent connections. At the exact moment my brother-in-law’s father died, the bedside phone emitted one single ring tone, unlike any other phone tone. He is convinced it was his father’s departing spirit, ‘ringing off’ if you like.

Furthermore, my brother-in-law’s aged mother, who spent many remaining years alone, pointedly said goodbye to a niece going overseas. His mother at the time was not unwell, yet subsequently died three months later. I guess she was simply tired of life and so consciously checked out. Content in the knowledge everything was sweet with the large and loving family she’d reared.

My aforementioned host was visited in his sleep by a beloved departing boss, whom he thought of as a father. At the exact moment of death, his boss requested he look after the family business. My host, an avowed atheist, was so disturbed by this one spiritual encounter he reappraised his whole belief system. Ironically, he himself passed away shortly thereafter.

I wonder if any readers have had similar experiences, relating to a loved one's departure....

Comments

[randwickbelle]

Yes many times. It is so wonderful to be given the chance to see/feel them when they come tosay goodbye and give us their blessing. An amazing experience I had was when my nephew died of SIDS at 12 weeks, after the funeral I was standing with his Great Great Grandfather a man in his 90s there was a strong smell of smoke and we both reacted to a tickle in the nose, I looked up and my nephews spirit was moving around the people at the funeral, just a little face and a smoky body, saying goodbye, the old man saw him too. For me there is no doubt at all that our essence/spirit goes on after death and we have lived many times. They often come to us in dreams too to help us cope. I have had many mediumistic experiences.

BOO!

[Splat Guy]

Hmm, I haven't had anyone close to me die since I was a young child, and reading things like this reminds me that I'm really not properly grateful for the blessing of having the ones I love always around. I don't think I would handle any such "visitation" too well, though.

[flerdle]

My 84 year-old grandfather couldn't beat the cancer anymore a couple of years ago, and my sister and I went out and visited him the last weekend, which was really great. Four of his six kids were either there then too, or visited in the next couple of days. Then the day after I left, he started going downhill really quickly. The last two kids hadn't seen him for a while, so they immediately flew from Melbourne and Cairns and drove out together the couple of hours out from Brisbane. About an hour after they got there, he died in my uncle's arms.