Wet fish

Late at night outside a western suburbs hotel two blokes climbed in, too pissed to drive home. They were both managers, one senior to the other and had been having a few ‘staffies’ after work.

For one fella it was the old story of someone who rarely caught taxis insisting I take the rat-run, at two in the morning! At one point he goaded me to jump a red light. “C’mon, I go this way all the time and this light takes forever. Just go!”

“Why would I risk my licence?” I queried. “Mate,” he barked, “there’s never any cops around here...(in the distance I spotted the familiar outline of a patrol car turn towards us)...if you get caught I’ll pay the penalty.” Surrrreee. Just as the police car reached the intersection I challenged him, “Say what..?”

Whilst his mate cracked-up, the smart arse quickly changed the subject to dump on an errant staff member, which soon turned into a humiliating lecture...

• "It doesn’t matter, you should have followed process"

• "Yeah, but, it was nothing, really. Okay, I should have followed process, but..."

• "If you just stick to process then she’ll have nothing on you..." 

On and on he went, slowly belittling the bloke, despite them being drunk and happy. Finally the clown, without a hint of irony, put the boot in, “So, what have you learned?”

After he alighted I asked the harried colleague, “Are you new at your job?” “No way,” he said. “I’ve been in the game for years and managed some of the biggest hotels around town. For some reason, even though he’s my boss he’s sticking up for a trouble-making casual over a fellow manager.” Nice.

Well, this bloke left his phone in the cab and it wasn’t until the next day I made contact and arranged to drop it off to his work. Of course he’d cancelled the SIM card and most probably purchased a new phone due to taking some hours to respond. He was lucky.

Despite it being my day off work I was heading his way for a dentist appointment and could drop the phone off. Naturally he was overjoyed and upon arrival he thrust twenty bucks into my hand, thanked me profusely and made to leave.

Instead I pointedly asked him, “Remember your boss told me it was safe to jump that red light?” He laughed sheepishly and agreed. “Did he tell you that a cabbie would never return your phone?” “Actually, yes, he did!” he laughed. “Well," I requested, "please ask him for me - What have you learned?” More laughter and he offered a parting handshake.

However I suddenly lost all sympathy for him when he gave me one of the most insipid handshakes I’ve ever received. A flabby hand with no tone, no grip and no intent, it was the dreaded wet-fish handshake. Eeewww.

Comments

[Rainer the cabbie]

As I always say, bless being a cabbie. You get paid for the pleasure of putting up with blokes like that, and they are out of your life in 10 min. Imagine having to spent every day with them. Now, that would turn my handshake to jelly instead of the steady Mark Latham number that us cabbies have.

[AG Canberra]

Ah the wet fish....a proper handshake should be taught to all boys in highschool. That and holding doors open for people, leting ladies get out of a lift first and not starting to eat until everyone at the table has a meal.

[jayjay]

Don't you hate learning something you would rather not know - a west fish handshake is definitely one of those things. Some things cannot be unseen, unfelt, unknown..........

[jayjay]

oops - make that wet fish!

[foxhow]

Adrian, Hope you don't mind an off topic question. Background - had a driver today that wasn't displaying his id card - when I asked where it was - he tried to make a joke about it, saying you can see me driving can't you - wasn't too impressed when I suggested he might be his cousin. Question - I took down the taxi number - should I dob him in to the NSW Taxi Authority??

[Goldstein]

Some men -and most women -have limp handshakes. Doesn't worry me -I learnt handshaking from farmers with fingers like sausages who'd crush your hand just being friendly..

My main concern is knowing when to let go -sometimes it comes naturally, sometimes it don't.. Different cultures have different techniques -asians often have soft handshakes, some eastern Europeans shake way up and way down, like you're dancing..

I quite like women who offer their hand like an English aristocrat might -novelty I guess..

[adrian]

foxhow, contact the MOT. If the driver is a moonlighter, at the very least he's jeopardizing insurance coverage for all concerned so hopefully they'll get him off the road.

If he simply left the Authority at home he'll get a stern warning.