Embarrassed

Two fares on Saturday night perfectly illustrate the contrasting techniques of vomiting in a taxi. The first example was smart, the second dumb.

The passengers, both women insisted they had never been sick before in a cab and apologised profusely. They were mature, middle-class and well mannered. Both had been farewelled at the pick-up by solicitous friends and appeared sober, with no indication of their inebriation.

The first woman sat up front and lamented going home early after disgracing herself at a party. This was the first sign of her condition. So it was little surprise when two minutes later she requested we stop, quick!

Opening the door she leaned out and went through the standard routine of guttural retching. Between spits and coughs she muttered an apology but I told her to take as long as necessary, just relieved she had given me advance warning.

After dropping her home with no further interruptions I pulled into a service station to clean off any collateral residue, usually on the door and the sill, but was pleasantly surprised to find none. She was a class act.

The second fare climbed in the back seat and ordered the north shore. She had been to the Australia v France rugby match, of which we chatted briefly before falling silent. From this exchange I got no sense that she was drunk at all.

However, within minutes I heard the unmistakable whoosh of gushing fluid and turned to check. She was upright and motionless in the half light and I asked if she was okay.

When she failed to reply I hit the cabin light to find that she had dumped a large deposit down her front, without any attempt to use the window. She was stunned by the sudden eruption, like a child.

Using the drivers panel I dropped her window and headed for a nearby garage whilst another spurt belched into her football scarf which she held to her mouth. An Aussie Wallaby scarf, qué horror! By the time we reached the garage she had totally lost control and was laying across the seat.

The good news was she had managed to spray most of the load over her clothes and once I got her out found there was little left to clean, save for five minutes of sluicing and drying with paper towels. Best of all there no lingering odour to gross out the next passengers.

This poor girl was also totally embarrassed and offered to pay for the clean-up but I only took the fare and told her to get lost. After advising that next time she stick her head out the window, or ask to stop the cab. Common sense, really.

That’s the difference between either trashing a cab or swallowing one’s pride (excuse the pun) by throwing up outside the cab.

As I reassured the first passenger, “Mate, don’t worry about it. You'll never embarrass a taxi driver”.

Comments

[James]

Adrian, keep up the great work...
As hard as it must be at times, if it wasn't for the taxi's taking these people home after drinking way too much, we would be seeing more drunk drivers on the roads!

[manly cabbie]

same thing happened to me last sat nite in a small coastal town i sometimes work.2 twenty someting females been to the local fisho's club 1 drinks to much and doesn't make it home,silly girl tried to do the right thing but the window she though was open was shut,you know the result.lucky it was 130 am and i had done enough for the nite.got the $50 cleaning fee plus she was so embarrassed she slung me a further $20,spent 10 min cleaning up the mess then left the rest of the nite to the other taxi in town(yes only 2).he wasn't to happy as it was very busy and he ended up working till the day driver started at 6am.

[Steve at the Pub]

If there is no outward cues that either female was drunk, it may be that it was not liquor (or liquor alone) that caused the chundering.

[jayjay]

Interesting point Steve but WHO CARES. Sounds like you got lucky, Adrian. It's hard enough to admit to any driver that you're about to upchuck, exponentially worse if the driver is not family or a friend.

[ding]

i admit to being passenger a few times and feeling fine when i got in the cab but needing to tell the unlucky cabbie to quickly pull over.
i've found there's something about the movement of the cab after having a few that induces vomiting. especially if sitting in the back seat.

i apologise to the cabbies! but at least i got them to pull over so i left a clean cab.

[Turner Mitteron]

A million years ago when I drove a cab in Sydney I had a very bad experience that was entirely my fault.

I had been to a taxi council lecture on how to recognise a runner during the day and that night I was on the rank when a young bloke got in. I was busy looking for the runner signs and when I stopped at the lights, sure enough, he opened the door. Quick as a flash I grabbed him by the shirt front and started dragging him back in when he vomited all over me.

Bloody taxi council.

[Rainer the cabbie]

Turner, you made me laugh mate ! Looks like the taxi council is still as useful today as it was in your days.
Adrian, sometimes "out the window" can backfire, as the nasty bits of hot-dog/nachos that mixed unsuccessfully with the rum fall down into the window casing and then have the habit of stinking out the cab for a long time, never mind the smear you get every time the window is rolled up and down.

[Chris]

Why don't Taxis have 'Air Sick Bags' in the back of the seats? :)

[G.S.]

I once had a young woman direct me to stop seven times in the course of a ride from Manhattan's West Side to the East Side so she could get out and puke. And she left not a remnant in the cab. I believe that's the Guiness Book record!

[Wormwood]

This reminds me of the only time I vomited because I drank too much wine. It was at a house party and my friend helped me make it to the toilet just barely in time.

I found out about your blog from the book, "The New Rules of Marketing & PR" by David Meerman Scott, which is pretty good. I'm up at 3:15 AM PST still reading it.

[mapinact]

Had a couple of passengers here in Canberra the other night - he was in the back, she in the front. Both modestly drunk but chatty for about half the 10 min journey. At the halfway point she shuts up and won't say another word - even directs me to the house silently, just pointing. When we stopped the first thing she did was open the door, lean out and let a dribble out - she'd held onto a mouthful of spew for 5 minutes! I thanked her sincerely for not throwing up in the cab, but can't figure out why she didn't ask me to stop.

[thaicabbie]

Worst are aussie and british girls who vomit and abuse too much here in Pattaya,Thailand.

[Phil]

I drive taxis here in Perth and keep an ample suppy of sick bags in the seat pockets. I got them from http://www.frontline-innovations.com Every night driver should have these in their car.

I'm very blunt with people that show any signs of throwing up. Get all of it outside of the vehicle and it's not a problem - a few seconds at a servo with a window squeegee and watering can and it never happened.

Get one drop of vomit inside the taxi and I'm gonna charge you $300. It's partly bluff, but getting all stern for a few seconds gets the message across and so far all year I've only had two people vomit in the taxi. Both times were only on the inside door trim and cleaned off with high pressure water at a car wash. Subsequent passengers were told that the door was wet because stupid me forgot to wind the window up before going through a car wash. ;-)

I recently did one trip that was 7km long. Here in Perth it is $1.47 per km or $42.15 per hour for waiting. This trip cost a bit over $45 - we spent that long on roadside stops. We were stopping every few hundred metres so that one of the four girls could get out and throw up (or, try to). The girls were VERY grateful that I stuck with it instead of dumping them on the side of the road, although I did decline a goodnight kiss from the girl that did all the vomiting.

[Austin27]

Yeah,
In 5 years of driving my spew free record (where I didn't have to clean or charge a passenger) ended 2.5 years in. And it was because I had realised the large plastic thick bag I always took with my had a hole in it and took the risk with a 40 year old lady being nursed by her husband. In my intense hours of experience i found there are always tell tale signs:

1. The way that they hail, enter and say goodbye to their friends or vice versa indicates a possible spew case. Take action early -The $300 trick is good -but probably a little too much. Drunk people tend to want to stand up to cabbies who rip them off.

2. How well they hold the conversation. If it suddenly goes a little to quiet -Push the issue!

3. The opening of a window -especially if its cold out.

4. Swallowing!!

It's true that prevention is the best cure. But even my worst ever vomit was at 2am on a saturday morn' two men one drunker than the last jumped in the back for a $30 fare to Albany Creek. Man 1 was passed out within 2 mins and within 5 he did the project my vomit out the window trick. I immideatley stopped and saw the entire door and seat covered in chunder. I told man 2 "You guys are gonna have to sort this out now. I gotta get this professionally cleaned which is $125 plus the fare. Old mate man 1 pulls out the card and says "Just put $300 on it mate -I just need to get home." I raced them home totally satisfied yet horrendously disgusted. Took the car to the base and power hosed the spew and left a message for the owner saying i'll pay for the cleaning as I went home with a good nights payin for one unbearable fare. The next day the owner had one of the shit kickers doing the dirty work and I got off scott free with $230 profit.

Wish they all ended like that.