Cablog

All good

A golden rule when assessing potential customers holds that if they can’t stand unassisted then the fare is most likely more trouble than it’s worth.

From a driver’s perspective they are either going to throw up or fall asleep or have no money or don’t know where they’re going or become argumentative, etc.

All this came to mind at 2am last Sunday morning in Maroubra Junction when a young fella hailed me from the wrong side of the road, outside a hotel, hugging a lamp post.

His situation was ten shades of wrong yet I still waited as he lurched across the intersection and fell into the front seat...

War

Over the years of driving through Kings Cross I’ve only ever associated street girls as tough, sad and desperate for the next client. That they can also dispense kindness and affection seems at odds with that late night world of sleazebags, drunks and hustlers.

Yet during the week these qualities were displayed when a young prostitute in micro shorts and platform heels hailed me outside a strip joint accompanied by a young fella. I guessed she’d just picked him up for he looked somewhat subdued and out of place in the Cross.

She asked where he wanted to sit then opened the front door and requested I take him to a city hotel.  When he was seated she leaned down and cradling his cheek in her hand softly muttered something before giving him a farewell kiss on the lips, which he returned spontaneously as would a friend.

This warm gesture indicated they had established a certain rapport beyond that of a purely sexual encounter and their tenderness reminded me of some previous passengers.

He was a 22 year old American from rural Nebraska, holidaying alone in Sydney. Today he flies back to Iraq where he is serving his first tour of duty.

I asked why come all this way for just two weeks and he told how the friendliest people he’d met in Iraq were Aussie troops, hence the visit. Oh, he added, and they have beer rations, unlike American serviceman.

At his hotel I offered a handshake and congratulated him for doing a tough and dangerous job. To be kissed by a hooker and thanked by a cabbie seemed like the right thing to do for a soldier returning to war.

Humble pie

Visitors from London often cite their black cab drivers as the best in the world at finding the most obscure locations. And so they should be after studying the street directory for three years straight!

Over the weekend I carried a London resident from Watson’s Bay to Erskineville. On final approach I logged into the Navman for directions and the passenger remarked how London cabbies know every  street from memory.

Whilst this was a friendly observation it still irritated me. “Yes, everyone lauds the hallowed ‘Knowledge’,” I replied, “but it’s no longer essential since the advent of satellite navigation devices.”

I explained that a few years ago some coloured applicants for black cab licenses took the taxi authority to the European Commission for Equal Rights claiming that they were just as capable with sat nav guidance. To make them spend unpaid years studying the Knowledge, they argued, was therefore discriminatory.*

Just then my own sat/nav machine announced the final turn, which was blocked due to a new median strip! This forced me to perform a u-turn and double back to find an alternative route.

That’s called eating humble pie.

*Whilst I've searched unsuccessfully for a linked report I'm confident this is correct. 

Guide dog

/
It's hard to understand how a cabbie can refuse such well-trained dogs.

Mr fox

Earlier this month I encountered this fella lurking on the cliffs at north Maroubra beach. Whilst the pictures are of poor quality I reasoned that nevertheless I'd scored a scoop by capturing such an elusive and cunning creature in a high density urban environment. It felt like I’d recorded a rare yowie sighting which would bring me fame and fortune by selling the pictures to the newspaper.

Then I Googled 'foxes in Sydney' and was somewhat deflated to learn that in fact there's a thriving population of foxes around town. Who knew? Even more depressing was a 2008 newpaper article on Sydney's foxes with a photo of one fox sunning himself on Botany Bay and perfectly posed in broad daylight.  

Damn, so much for my scoop.

Runners

Along with paltry wages, heavy traffic, violent drunks and a myriad of regulations, runners are the bane of a cab driver’s life. I explained this to some nineteen year old kids on Saturday night whilst travelling from the City to Penrith Panthers.

Normally I'd be fairly apprehensive about such a fare but they assured me they were paying with their mother’s Cabcharge voucher. And so they did, with an added 12% tip.

The next fare was a single fella of the same age heading to St Mary’s. Though pretty drunk he was still under control and quizzed me on the job finances. I related how the first eight hours only covered the lease payment, fuel and wash. Thence the final four hours, 11pm-3am and the roughest part of the shift was when we made our wage.

After stopping for five minutes outside the Cobham Juvenile Justice Centre where he was violently ill, we arrived at his house where he flicked me $50 for the $35 fare and hopped out. Champion!

Around 2am I stopped for two fellas aged nineteen at Central Station who climbed in the back seat and requested Turramurra station on the upper North Shore. It didn’t actually suit my plans but with the Vacant light on I had no choice and headed off without objection or rancour.

As one fella was clearly under the weather and dry retching out the window, I left them alone and listened to the BBC sports program. Our only exchange was at Artarmon where I inquired if the drunk was okay. “Yeah, mate,” he said, “I’ve just had a big night.” “Okay,” I replied, “just keep the window open in case you need it.”

That was it until arriving at the destination where upon being asked for the fare, they duly flung open the doors and bolted in the opposite direction. I immediately gave chase on foot, cursing them, but quit just as quickly. A bloke on the wrong side of fifty chasing fellas on the right side of twenty, hilarious!

Two quick laps around the block was also futile and I resigned myself to forfeiting $65 in wages. Needless to say I was pretty pissed off but what could I do? They had disappeared and that was the end of the matter, or so I thought.

Upon checking if the drunk had spewed on the door, I spotted a mobile phone on the back seat. Genius!

Visitors

Lately it seems the majority of passengers are tourists and business visitors, in particular those from the UK. Yet surprisingly many are only here for a week or two and lament not having more time to enjoy our city and weather. Little wonder given their vicious northern winter.

The arrival of Queen Mary 2 this week was an exciting event with the monster docking in Woolloomooloo. I carried one couple back to the ship from dinner in Darling Harbour.

They were halfway through a 5 month world cruise and reported there were places on the boat they hadn’t yet found. They had only just found the ‘world’s largest floating library and intended visiting the planetarium. Click here for the captain’s tour of the bridge.

Last month I picked up an English film director heading home after a late night of editing. He was in Sydney for a few weeks and staying in Bondi yet had no time to swim or socialise due to work commitments.

After seeing Avatar over Christmas I grilled him on how the 3D was filmed, thinking two separate cameras were used simultaneously. The same principle applied, he revealed, but within a single camera housing twin lens side by side, which mimic human eye separation to achieve stereovision.      

He was here to shoot a music video by Operator Please, those Gold Coast kids with the ping pong hit. In fact the lead girl is an accomplished songwriter, he said, and has produced tunes for the likes of Gwen Stefani.

This really got my attention and when he reported that their new video, Logic was ‘looking amazing’ I was pretty keen to see it. Here it is, just released last week...

Zombies

When I heard the Future Music Festival was on at Randwick on Saturday I resolved to avoid it all costs. The thought of carting drunk and drugged kids home after an all-day rave didn’t really appeal when there were would be more predictable Mardi Gras ravers seeking transport.

However I took a fare to Kensington around 6 pm and foolishly dropped in thinking the only ones leaving early shouldn’t be too trashed. Wrong. I failed to envisage early leavers would be those thrown out for misbehaving...

Extraordinary

(cabbie finalists in Perth)

Whenever I poll passengers travelling around Australia the majority nominate The Kimberley in the north west as the best location of all. And needless to say it's definitely on my own Big Lap itinerary, one day. 

An unusual tourism campaign is currently being conducted by Tourism Western Australia, based on a nine week taxi journey around the State - The Extraordinary Taxi Ride.

Five cabbies have been selected as finalists to ferry some lucky passengers on 11 different legs from the vinyards of Margaret River to the outback and The Kimberley, to name a few.

Here you'll find short videos of the cabbies presenting their 'extraordinary' credentials for voters to consider.

Readers can also enter the competition by choosing a destination for a berth as a lucky passenger. To enter submit either a 1 minute video or 250 words detailing yourself and an accompanying passenger.

So, how about touring Western Australia in a taxi driven by an extraordinary cabbie? Just perfect.

(Cable Beach, Broome)

Wild (2)

My previous post on the big weekend featured homosexuals behaving badly. This went down like a lead balloon. Today’s post from the same weekend reports on heterosexuals behaving badly.

On Saturday afternoon three fellas travelled from a city cafe/bar to the Northern Beaches. I knew they were up to no good when one boarded carrying a restaurant menu.

They all sat in the back and first requested some ‘cool tunes’ from the radio, then one handed me twenty bucks. “Mate, here’s a tip. Keep your eyes on the road and say nothing.” Done.