Wild (2)

My previous post on the big weekend featured homosexuals behaving badly. This went down like a lead balloon. Today’s post from the same weekend reports on heterosexuals behaving badly.

On Saturday afternoon three fellas travelled from a city cafe/bar to the Northern Beaches. I knew they were up to no good when one boarded carrying a restaurant menu.

They all sat in the back and first requested some ‘cool tunes’ from the radio, then one handed me twenty bucks. “Mate, here’s a tip. Keep your eyes on the road and say nothing.” Done.

He then proceeded to pour cocaine onto the menu and snort a line before passing it on. This delicate task went without incident due to a smooth run through the Harbour Tunnel. Everything was sweet due to their heightened vibe and they were soon swapping pre-season rugby gossip.

Until, that is, when the owner of the coke asked, “Hey, who’s got the bag?” Drama ensued with no one seeming to know who had it. “Didn’t I give it to you? No, I gave it to him”, etc, etc.

This continued for the next twenty minutes as the three beefy blokes played musical chairs in a desperate search for ‘five hundred bucks worth of coke’. “Don’t worry about it,” I told them. “The Iraqi cab washers will find it for you. The can dismantle a seat assembly in two minutes flat.”

At the destination they had me turn into a back alley and stop whilst the back seat was pulled out to reveal the bag in the seat well. They also found a handful of coins which was handed over and a USB memory stick which they kept. Plus they tipped me extra for being ‘the best cabbie ever’.

Another party hailed me outside a brothel early on Sunday morning for a trip down to the Shire. After an all-day bucks night they finished off with a hot tub session. “Shit, mate, that Asian chick fucked me so hard my cock’s got a new postcode!”

They needed the recovery session after being ‘bashed’ by bouncers, arrested and held in a cell for a couple of hours. In bloke’s world that’s a top night. Yet they insisted they did nothing wrong. And I tend to believe them after continually hearing of hyped-up bouncers unloading on patrons for trivial incidents.

One pleaded, “Mate, I’ve done time in jail when I was younger for being a dickhead and I learnt my lesson. Now I’m married with kids and own a five million dollar business. I also played professional footy and could have easily smashed that fat-fuck coconut. But what can you do when you get king hit from behind for no good reason?”

For this fella the biggest disappointment was being charged with affray which he intended fighting in court using closed circuit footage outside the club. But then it would be safer to avoid nightclubs with a group of mates on Saturday night in the city, that’s just asking for trouble.

Comments

[Simon Food Favourites]

gee you really see a different side of life in this world. glad you made it safely through the shift. sounded a bit touch and go with the customers you got.

[Lee]

Talk about "Underbelly!" You certainly are witness to it daily and nightly, Adrian.

It's a strange and very weird world out there inhabited in kind! I'm glad I live my reclusive existence!