Cablog

A challenge

A few months ago I carried a taxi radio dispatcher to work on the night shift. When he revealed an interest in blogging I suggested he start a blog reporting on the lunatic callers taxi operators deal with.

Unfortunately my passenger cited privacy and confidentiality provisions in his employment contract as a deterant to such an exercise. This was disappointing as I've long been hankering after such a blog since the demise of the wonderful American dispatch blog, Blank Top Chronicles...

The world is full of crazy, stupid assholes. And every single one of them calls my company when they need a taxi.

However there may be another opportunity available as Cablog reader, Peter is not only a new blogger but a former cabbie and radio dispatcher. How about it, Peter, up for the challenge?

For those unaware of the hilarious Blank Top Chronicles here's some archival posts.

Laughs

Some Boxing Day laughs from Brian, the radio room operator at Blanktop Chronicles.

Also some street laughs from Overheard in New York.

And this hilarious video on Guidos, from their mortal enemy, Rob, a New York bouncer.

Feel free to nominate in Comments your favourite humour sites.

Have a great day.

Bogan Style

A recent query on my throwaway line, 'unreconstructured bogan' got me thinking about degrees of boganess. Lately I've noticed a proliferation of fluorescent lime and orange safety vests and shirts, adopted as a fashion item by blokes who dress for comfort. Practical daytime wear suitable for work, the pub, shopping, footy, wherever.

Click the thumbnails for my version of a few outfits in homage to bogan style...

Old style regular bogan

Old style daggy bogan

New style regular bogan

New style attitude bogan

Compassionate wingnut bogan

Compassionate moonbat bogan

And for true boganess, visit the Aussie bogan and English bogan sites for a good laugh.

THURS UPDATE : Tonight - TV bogan heaven, Rodder's Life, 8pm, Channel 31 (Free TV !)

WWI Cabbies

Parisian Cabbies Sped to Save Their City...

If, on a trip to Paris this past summer, you again were astounded by the beauty of the city and the rudeness of the taxicab drivers who transported you around it, consider for a moment that without the latter there might not now be the former.

For this week (Sept. 5) in 1914, in what was perhaps the decisive battle of World War I, 600 Parisian cabbies, shuttling from Paris to a battlefront near the Marne River, carried 6,000 troops to reinforce the French 6th Army, which was in mortal combat with the German 1st Army.

Err, it's my understanding the Australians under General Monash were involved in the decisive battle of World War I. However this site reckons the US saved France in WWI.

Top Bloke

An Aussie cab drivers association is proposing psychological assessments for cabbies. Let’s consider some basic psychological elements which may be covered in a future questionnaire for prospective cabbies...

1) Describe your temperament for driving taxis -

Umm, if its really hot like in summer Id open all the windows cause me mate tommo hisa cabbie reckons the air conditioner uses heaps gas n passengers never tips anyway so stuff em.

2) How do you rate your ability to drive a taxi -

I got me license and never stuffed up big time or anything like that cept that neg driving thingo but thats like years ago and anyway me mate bluey took the rap cause he was inside liken loaned me his license so no worries there eh !

3) What do you consider your main ambition in driving taxis ?

Aww, just to have an easy time eh. You know do some shifts, kick back with da boys n get on the piss. Plus Me missus gives me so much grief so I figure gettng me cabby license will get me outta the house anyway they cut off me dole bastads

4) How would you describe your moral standards ?

Well I shower twice day like sometimes 3 or 4 times when I score a top batch of goey

5) Finally, describe your personality or, how friends see your personality -

All me mates reckons Im a top Bloke eh and cab driving would be perfect for me eh !

Overheard

Last night a female passenger informed her friends, ‘When you swallow ecstacy, thirty percent is destroyed by stomach acid. That’s why it’s best to stick it up your bum. But you’ve got to be careful if you’re in public ‘cause it’ll make you want to shit’. Party-on !

This reminded me of an old joke - a bloke with a constipation problem went to a doctor. After handing over a suppository the doctor said, ‘Just stick this in your back passage, that’ll fix it’. The following day the bloke returned, complaining that nothing happened, ‘I put it in the back passage; I put it in the back yard; then I left it up in the back shed. I may as well have stuck it up my arse for all the good it's done’.

Moving Pictures

Right now, the hottest video on the Web is by Judd Laipply, an American comedian who performs an hilarious routine called The Evolution of Dance. It's really good, but my favourite is Austrian mime artist, Johann Lippowitz performing Natalie Imbruglia's Torn.

Right now, the hottest cabbie in Australia is Brisbane driver, Manjitt,

"Manjit - a 49-year-old Indian-Australian cab driver - is so proud of being an Aussie that he has composed a music album, singing of his love for Australia and its people. After selling over two thousand copies of his homemade CD to his cab customers and attracting considerable attention in his hometown of Brisbane, this singing cabbie has filmed a Bollywood video-clip for his most popular song "Song Australia"."

Manjitt can be seen tonight, Wednesday, 7.30pm in an SBS TV doco, Inside Australia. Additionally, look out for Andrew Denton's Enough Rope in the coming weeks for an episode called Three Cabbies. I'll give an update on exact screening day.

Finally, for any Sydney motorists driven to frustration by our endless traffic jams, check out some traffic-cameras around New York City. You'll feel better. See New York Hack.

Some Relief

After a few depressing recent posts some light relief is needed. Who better to call upon than Australia's comic master, Tim Blair. In an hilarious short piece, Blair channels Keith Richard's long-suffering brain. It's a cracker...

Snooze, You Lose

Here's a video of a cabbie nodding-off before wiping out. Note the casual driving style, even after the first impact. Idiot.

With the World Cup starting next month here's some helpful rules to make your household television viewing harmonious...

From all Men of this World

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, sisters, daughters, etc. (actually to all women in general). These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...

It's a bloke thing, with a bloke blog.

Obvious

The Sydney Morning Herald is the best newspaper in the country, comprising some of the most astute journalists Australia has to offer. I've always said that....

For example, today's Herald lists the ten most important blogs, from some 33 million blogs worldwide.

The big news is an Aussie blog made the cut - have a guess who ? It's obvious really...